Expectations I was made to believe I was smart.. What type of smart, they would never say. My mom used to think I was artistic. Good with my hands, drawings, stuff like that.. if my hands were only an indication to avoid the brain-subject I do not know, but her conclusion was basically based upon nothing. I don't even think she'd seen one single drawing of me ever! On the other hand, my drawing-teacher had a much different perseption about my "brain-power", saying I was noticeable more left-brained than anything else. Again, there might have been some sort of a 'hidden message' she was trying to send through somehow..
Everyone had their own opinions. Not only about my "smartness", but personality-set, looks, what I was and what I was to become. I become a puzzle to where everyone else were carrying around the pieces. People would always stereotype, critizize, analyze, you name it.. to get to their conclusion. No one likes 'not knowing', and it's so much better thinking you know someone than actually admitting you don't, isn't it!? Well, I decided to let all that go.. simply let it fade away.. it was either them, or me. For me, the choice was simple..
Personality I'm a person of variation.. Theres so much to me, still so hard to get to it all.. Personality-set I'm pretty much outgoing and open-minded; I hate to repress myself, hold myself back, all these things that keeps me from 'living it' completely. If you think you know me, think again, because you have only seen one layer to where there are 10 and more.. No matter what I do, I can't possibly get it all out. Sometimes my head is about to explode from everything, my brain is 'kicking in' so many ideas and random thoughts it's hard to keep track on it all. I'm both left and right-brained. I'm also a down-to-earth person, I can be very serious but at the same time I joke around a lot. I'm sarcastic. Always know to read between the lines.. I'm not narrow-minded, and I don't necessary like people who are. Don't be judgemental, I'm not. I'm 'fair', I like it fair, I want life to treat me fairly. I'm somewhat cold, but compared to many others I don't find myself cold at all.'Disturbing' scenes 'hits me' with numbness, and it's usually the times when I SHOULD feel something that I don't.. I try to go for the 'if you don't like me that's your issue not mine'. In our society theres always gonna be people judging, and I've 'somewhat' learned to ignore all that. Yet I get easily offended, easily pissed-off. People can drive me to the madness all the time.. I have a punching-bag up in my room, not because I'm a famous kick-boxer, but simply to get my aggression out without 'freaking out' on people! I'm also a 'dreamer' kind-of person; always reaching up higher, having thousands of dreams and goals, pushing myself to the matter where I don't allow myself to give up. I don't usually accept things 'the way they are'; if theres any way my life could get better, I am not about to give up on that regretting all the things I could have done with my life, but never did simply out of 'accepting' it as it is. I hate living a life to where I can't completely be myself, where I can't live out the way I want. Personally, I hate having 'daily habits' to where I'm forced into doing something repeatedly over and over again (take school as an example!) It's this fear of getting nowhere, when really, you could have gone anywhere you wanted and more..
Hobbies An important part of who I am lays in my hobbies and the things I do in my life. These such as MUSIC; composing, listening to other talented ones, lyrics, basically everything in the name of music! I believe that's what takes me places.. what can get me 'out of it' when I feel 'stuck'. Other things I enjoy is traveling. Seeing things from different perspectives, all different languages, cultures, the fact that theres a bigger world out there. Personally, I've been traveling a lot in the past; last year I was actually living in a different country, even continent, for a year. It was truly a great experience, and it definitely cleared up my future-plans a lot more. Other than that, I enjoy playing tennis and snowboarding in the winter-times. I used to play soccer too, and to be honest with you I was pretty damn good at it! But I just figured it wasn't for me..
Future plans Theres two parts to me that also connects with my future-plans.. one is psychological, other is music. Theres no doubt I have some 'psychological debths' in me, whatever that means, and through music I can actually express myself better than through anything else. Because of all this, I decided that when I graduate High school (which will be around next year), I will try study psychology and keep up with my music to see if it can get me anywhere. To me this has been a dream to which I'm not allowing myself to give upon, but still I've made some sort of a 'back-up'-plan, or maybe an extra profession to which I enjoy. As for psychology, I am hoping to get a degree so I can help children (whatever problems they might have), before it's "too late". I really admire them, and if theres any way I could help the ones that are already struggeling I know I would put my every soul into it. But the future I can never predict, and I am only to hope that things will work out in the end for both me and the world in general..